To keep the surname, or not keep the surname?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1196888/Why-Im-proud-Mrs-Smellie-Is-old-fashioned-wife-husbands-name.html

'Should women take their husband's surnames' is the topic of this article. I would like to make it clear from the outset that I only read the Daily Mail for the CELEBRITY GOSSIP and nothing else. However, when my eye caught this, I got dragged in to reading it.

It’s fair to say that I am a bit of a hardliner when it comes to feminism, and I appreciate now that I am a little bit older and less angry/ shouty that not everyone has the same opinion as me (it’s just that they're wrong.... I'm joking....). But, I do still wonder why this tradition pervades when its origins are so crap. So I’ll consider the origins first.

1. Your husband used to own you in marriage, and all your possessions. You did not count as a separate entity.

2. Women were/ are handed over by the father into the hands of her husband, much in the way that fathers walk their daughters down the aisle today. The word 'husbandry' is used when we talk about farmers caring for animals. Nice.

3. Taking of the name meant that the woman wasn't the responsibility of her family anymore. They pretty much had no rights as heirs, and even if they were the only sold survivor from a family, the money would go to the husband anyway.

I know that nowadays this isn't the case, so much of the stuff that used to happen as a result of being married off isn't something to worry about now, but the symbolism of all this is very much based in ownership.

OK, so what are my arguments against taking your husband's name?

Firstly, there is the issue of tradition, which most of the points above refer to. Tradition is never a good reason to continue doing something if it doesn't stand up to decent scrutiny. There are a lot of things we don't do anymore because they seem dated, like keep slaves or dog fight, or bare knuckle box. We don't have to take our husband's name 'just because'.

Secondly, the other thoughts that go through my head are - ‘Why the hell do I have to take YOUR name? Why not you take mine? Why am I compromising who I am? Aren't we meant to be a team!?’

But for me, ultimately, the bottom line is that it just isn’t EQUAL. And, people, I'm all about the equal.

If, when we got married, the tradition was for the woman to pay the man £5,000 for the benefit of marrying him, would we be so happy about it? What about if you had to build him a house first? Why are we entering into a contract where we must pay consideration in return for no discernable benefit? Unless you have a super sexy rock star surname I'm not sure that 'getting a new name' can really be considered a true offer in the tradition of a binding contract...

Ok, so....

What are the arguments in favour of taking your husband's surname rather than keeping your own?

1) You hate your name
2) You love tradition
3) You haven't ever thought not to
4) you're under familial pressure to do it
5) You just want to...

These are all perfectly fine reasons, and if any of these reasons are important enough to you, then ignore me. I can't think of any more, but I would be keen to hear anything anyone else has to add.... When I considered these different reasons, I realised that all of them are really just 'subjective personal points of view'.

The problem with this is that there isn't really a place for that kind of argument in a semi-academic debate. The whole point of taking an accepted custom and questioning it is that you put your personal point of view to one side and consider only the arguments left after that...

A question for me, then, is whether I believe in marriage at all, then, since I seem to have a problem with so much that comes with it. The thing is I REALLY do.

I define marriage as:

Two people entering into an agreement which states that they will work together as a team, becoming united in their goals of happiness and health, and to share all material possessions equally.

With the recent foot-stamping going on about massive divorce payouts, the 'shared material possessions' stuff is more important than ever. This part of the agreement is unbreakable, meaning that if you decide you want to get married, part of what comes with it is the agreement that you will split everything fifty fifty FOREVERMORE. For that reason, I actually think the law is complicating things for itself by allowing pre-nups to leak slowly into the English legal system.

If you're determined to get back exactly what you put in to your marriage should you break up, then don't bloody well get married. The one remaining purpose of marriage these days is to split everything down the middle - it is no longer about sex, children, religion or gender, so if we allow pre-nups then we undermine the one thing keeping marriage an institution and blur the distinction between marriage and co-habitation further.

I believe there are good reasons for co-habitants and married couples to remain separate, we can't simply go around contractualising co-habiting relationships in order to protect people who aren't married without their permission, for a start.... but this debate is for another time.

I am pro-marriage, pro-unity, pro-two people in love promising to split the good and bad times in half, FOREVER.

However, I am not 'pro- taking another person's name' because I don't see how two people can enter into something together, equally, if one must give up something so closely tied to their identity. This is how I feel. But not how many people feel. It could certainly be argued that the whole thing is an academic moot point, because if it isn't important to the individuals concerned then it isn't important at all.

I know many happy couples who took the name of their husband and are of course not in unbalanced, oppressive marriages! I would never suggest that to be the case. I just happen to feel that what it stands for historically doesn't make me feel comfortable and that it’s outmoded enough for us to ditch it altogether. And I will of course say here, that if you want to take your husband's name, for whatever reason you decide, that is your free choice and I wouldn't ever judge someone for making that decision. The universal top trump card with all these things is, of course, good old personal choice.

There are alternatives to doing it though (pushy pushy...)

- You can double barrel (though slightly pompous sounding depending on the names.) or you can merge two names together and create something new. This gem also solves the issue many people have about their children not sharing a surname with their parents.... you could pick a totally new new name and BOTH change your names....

Or you know, you could go totally mental and just keep your own name. The one you were born with.